"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
