I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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