So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
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He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
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Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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