I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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