You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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