dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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