I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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