Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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