just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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