I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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