A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
