so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
