Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
