I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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