Your mouth is God's brothel.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
