Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
