I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Sext me about skeletons
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
