I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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