You're my little dorito
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
