hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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