my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
