just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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