How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
