Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
