We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
