covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
