Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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