All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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