How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
