My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
