I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
