Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
