So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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