I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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