Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
