Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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