Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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