I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize