We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
