Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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