You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
