I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
