Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
