i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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