i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Pooping to opera.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
