it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
