My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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