i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
