he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
