We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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