...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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