I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You took a bar mat shot.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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