I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
it was like eating out sand paper
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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