it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
