I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He better not be in your backpack
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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