Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
