Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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