I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
