Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
