Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
