i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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