We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
