Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
