Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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