If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
3 2 1 whiskey
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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