Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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