So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
