I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
