I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
