You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
where are you?
Hypothermia
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
