Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
