I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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