3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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