i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
