I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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